By Martin Cizmar   martin@rocktownmail.com

To get some idea how endemic diss tracks are in the world of hip-hop, consider this: the first line of Kris Kross’ “Jump,” possibly the most blissful bit of pop rap ever recorded, is a taunt.
“Don’t try to compare us to another bad little fad. I’m the Mac and I’m bad, give you something that you never had.”
That’s a shot at fellow Atlanta kiddie gangstas Another Bad Creation, though it probably went over the heads of most people at the time, and today only an insanely fanatical Kris Kross listener (read: me) would make the connection to A.B.C.
So, yeah, Mac Daddy and Daddy Mac had a beef. Looking back, the only thing funnier than Kris Kross taking a shot at another pre-teen rap group is that said shot involves Kris Kross calling someone else a fad.
Of course “Jump” isn’t a diss track per se. It’s mostly about jumping and, to a certain lesser extent, about things that are wiggity wiggity wiggity wack.
Every other song mentioned in this story is a diss track though, all of them cooold bloooooded.

10. Cam’Ron — “You Gotta Love It”
Target: Jay-Z
Release: “You Gotta Love It” mixtape (2006)
“Beyonce? Fiancée? Check my 2nd LP, I might bring it back. That’s your girl, that’s your world, had the thing, f——— singing bout slinging crack.”
Jay-Z’s wild success and propensity for party anthems make him a natural target for diss tracks. Killa Cam walks some well-trodden ground here (Jay doesn’t honor the memory of Biggie Smalls, Jay looks like a camel, etc.) but he does take two great shots on Jigga. At the beginning of the track, he literally stops the beat to point out Jay’s advanced age (37). At the end, he plays a clip of Jay’s girl singing about selling drugs. Classic.

9. Boogie Down Productions — “The Bridge Is Over”
Target: Queens, a bunch of people you’ve never heard of
Release: “The Bridge Is Over” single (1987)
“You’d better change what comes out your speaker. You’re better off talkin’ ’bout your whack puma sneaker. Cause Bronx created hip-hop, Queens will only get dropped.”
The beat’s great and the lyrics — simple, old school rhymes and a touch of scatting — make this a standard.
Compared to the other songs on this list, the digs KRS-One delivers here are suitable for a children’s book. But, hey, it’s nice to know hip-hop was once the domain of guys who threatened to “drop” one another.

8. The Game — “300 Bars & Runnin’ ”
Target: 50 Cent and G-Unit
Release: “You Know What It Is Vol. 3” mix tape. (2005)
“And I still shine like diamonds, they kicked me out of G-Unit and I rebounded like Rodman. It’s still Aftermath, two feet in the penitentiary. I be mad, I ain’t, I’m supposed to stop, I can’t.”
Using another rapper’s own beats to diss him is an old school trick. Game does that plenty on this 15-minute epic, but then takes it to the next level, cutting down other MCs using their own delivery — including a spot-on Lloyd Banks imitation.

7. Ice Cube — “No Vaseline”
Target: N.W.A.
Release: “Death Certificate” (1991)
“Givin’ up the dollar bills,
Now they got the villain with a purse and high-heels. So don’t believe what Ren say, cuz he’s goin’ out like Kunta Kinte.”
Some rappers (Eminem, Nas) are known for witty allusions. Not Cube. There’s nothing remotely cerebral about Cube workmanlike rhymes (“rulin” with “foolin,” then “phony” with “homeys”) yet they hit hard.
Like everything else from early in Cube’s career there’s also lots of racist epithets. When he’s not bashing his old crew for consorting with Jews, he’s calling them Uncle Toms.

6. 50 Cent — “Back down”
Target: Ja Rule
Release: “Get Rich or Die Tryin” (2003)
“I’m back in the game shawty, to rule and conquer. You sing for h—- and sound like the cookie monster.”
Fiddy’s got a great flow, and this is a clever track, but it loses a lot of cred for being about Ja Rule. It’s Ja, who cares?

5. Jay-Z — “Takeover”
Target: Nas, all the other cats throwin’ shots at Jigga
 Release: The Blueprint (2001)
“Four albums in ten years n——? I could divide. That’ s one every — let’s say two — two of them s—— was due. One was - NAHHH, the other was “Illmatic.” That’s a one-hot-album-every-ten-year average.”
One thing you gotta say about Jigga, he’s a reasonable man. Even as he cuts Nas to pieces, he still makes a point of praising “Illmatic.” That’s classy.
“Takeover” is lacking a little lyrically, but it’s got a great hook. Still, it doesn’t come close to matching “Ether.” Nas 1, Jay 0.

4. 2Pac — “Hit ‘Em Up”
Target: Notorious B.I.G. and Bad Boy Records
Release: B-side to “How Do U Want It” single (1996)
“You claim to be a playa, but I f——- your wife.”
What really stands out about “Hit ’Em Up” is how urgent it sounds. Pac’s normally pretty laid back, but here’s he’s in a full-on rage. This was a real beef — one that probably left both rappers dead — and you can hear that on the wax.

3. Nas — “Ether”
Target: Jay-Z
Release: “Stillmatic” (2001)
“Started cockin’ up my weapon, slowly loadin up this ammo, to explode it on a camel, and his soldiers, I can handle. This for dolo and its manuscript, just sound stupid when KRS already made an album called Blueprint.”
“Ether” has a well-deserved reputation as the best diss track of all time. Nas’ ability to slant rhythm combined with his eye for detail make every word he says slice like a Ginsu. From the opening, a sample of Jay’s hero 2Pac saying “F—- Jay-Z,” to the way he uses Jigga’s own “I will not lose” catchphrase, to the way he speculates on the source of Jay’s low self-esteem then offers him a hug, it’s genius.

2. Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg — “Wit Dre Day” (And Everybody’s Celebratin’)
Target: Eazy-E, Tim Dog, Tim Dog’s mom
Release: “The Chronic” (1992)
“Your bark was loud, but your bite wasn’t vicious. And them rhymes you were kickin’ were quite bootylicious. You get with Doggy Dogg, oh is he crazy? With ya mama and your daddy hollin’ Bay-Bee.” As a diss “Dre Day” isn’t quite as brutal as some others but its exalted place in the world of hip-hop make it impossible to put it any lower. After all, this is the song that introduced G-Funk and Snoop Dogg to the world.

1. Eazy-E — “Real Mutha———— G’s”
Target: Dre and Snoop
Release: “It’s on (dre) 187Um Killa” (1993)
“Ya like a kid ya found a pup and now you’re dapper, but tell me where the f—- ya found an anorexic rapper? Talkin ’bout who ya go squabble with and who ya shoot. You’re only 60 pounds when you’re wet and wearin’ boots.”
Conventional wisdom says Eazy-E died of AIDS. I sometimes think it was a broken heart.
Think about it: he puts together rap’s version of the Beatles, recording their first album with his own hard-earned drug money, only to see everything fall apart.
First, Ice Cube leaves N.W.A. and hits it big, prompting the stragglers to record a second album mostly dedicated to dissing him. The album flops. Then, Dre leaves and makes a multi-platinum album slamming E silly.
Deserted by his friends as they moved on to make zillions of dollars and star in movies alongside Jennifer Lopez, Eazy was left with a bunch of bozos on his record label.
So he worked hard, and while he never had any real solo success, he did put together the greatest diss track of all time. Listen closely and you’ll get past the anger to hear the melancholy voice of a man who’s been forsaken by his dearest homies.
Also, the minimalist hook, “Yo Dre? What up? BANG!” is beyond brilliant.